Shhhhhhhh! I'm about to defy you.
just a little shout out for espn360.com.
with all the storms and freaky weather, cable here in NYC has been spotty at best- pixelated, intermittent, especially on HD channels.
they had the spain- italy quarter final streaming online for free.
thank you sports gods for saving me from missing even a second of the game.
oh, and vaya espana!!! ole ole ole ole… ole… ole…
the fine people at wordpress set up the site so that one may see what search terms are used when chance readers are directed to ones site. these can be very surprising. i get a lot for “empire strikes back,” “neurologist,” “traits of an assassin,” none of which are surprising to me. the last because it always follows an airing of the jenna elfman lifetime movie i blogged about a while back.
the more interesting ones are “gay squirrel,” “faggot,” “what do you do with an eight year old…” the list goes on.
it got me to thinking that i might occasionally put something in here for the wanderers; those seeking information, of all things, from the world wide web. thus, i have decided to put in sundry tips i have picked up of late, in no particular order and for no particular reason.
1. take claritin if you have a cold.
a lot of people cannot handle ephedrine. sudafed makes a lot of people jittery. great for meth labs, not great for panickers and hypertension. even non-ephedrine sudafed will raise your blood pressure. claritin has something called loratidine in it, the active ingredient, that neither causes the jitters nor raises blood pressure, nor makes one particularly dry mouthed. i am not allergic to anything, but claritin will always be in my medicine cabinet.
2. mr. clean magic eraser is a godsend.
it removes dirt, smudges, soap scum, mold, everything you want gone and nothing you don’t. it’s amazing. it takes crayon, fingerprints, etc off walls without upsetting the paint. tip: they tell you to wring all the water out of it, and you definitely need to. i also recommend going over painted surfaces with a paper towel (lightly) afterward- it will eliminate any streaking.
3. walnut oil hides scratches on hard wood floors.
you can get it at most grocery stores and it takes them out. scratches, not gouges. it’s a pretty neat trick.
4. osage oranges get rid of bugs.
you can order them on the net. leave the dried fruit in cabinets and closets- bugs and rodents HATE it and it’s non-toxic to you.
not alien testicles, but just as gruesome to bugs
5. hairspray is a great way to protect drawings.
if you like to sketch, spray your finished work with any kind of hairspray- it acts as a buffer against time and friction- you don’t have to worry about your lines getting blurred in your sketch pad.
6. steaming foam cushions brings them back to life.
i saw this on trading spaces, tried it and it worked like a charm. have foam pillows or couch cushions that are saggy or limp? remove the covers and put some distilled water in your iron. turn it on, and hit the steam button while holding the iron to the foam. they puff up before your eyes. and remain firm. it’s awesome. you may not need to trash that couch yet.
7. the best way to get the smell of garlic off your hands is to touch stainless steel.
seriously. rubbing lemons on them helps, too, but steel does the trick for me. if you cook with fresh garlic a lot, you know that smell can stay on your hands for days. as soon as you’re done touching the fresh garlic, press your hands to some stainless steel (a clean kitchen sink usually does the job).
8. wear swim goggles to prevent tearing when cutting onions
shout out to ma weber for this one. while it sounds ridiculous, and according to CS, looks hilarious, it works. i’m saving it more for large onion projects like stuffing, but as someone with sensitive eyes, i’d rather look special in the kitchen than hurt all night.
9. the best way to prevent an oil stain from ruining a shirt? dish-washing detergent.
got this one from my sister during her stint as a cleaning lady. when you think about the organic chemistry, it makes sense. since almost no one wants to think about organic chemistry, just know: it works (for the most part- you still have to get it relatively early).
10. finally, to keep it in round numbers, the only cure for jet lag is hydration. NOT sleep.
as a frequent traveler- both forward and backward in time zones, let me assure you, you cannot sleep away jet lag. you’ll never get it right. you’re body clock doesn’t adjust because you tell it to, it takes time. we’ve all lost a night of sleep here or there- it never compares to the utter crap we feel when jet-lagged. it’s because you’re seriously dehydrated. an airplane is a desert- with recycled air. relative humidity is less than 10%. the food is salty. you’re probably drinking. even if you’re lucky enough to fly business, buy lots of water- the biggest bottle you can find. i try to average one giant bottle per three hours of flight time. so, you have to get up to go to the bathroom. that’s actually good for your circulation anyway. and when you land? buy another giant bottle or two and a gatorade. your body will thank you for it.
my next post will aim to help, too. it’s about those of us (un)fortunate enough to wear a cup size larger than D, but aren’t 90 and want to provoke lust, not pity when seen in our underwear. websites and everything will be included!
from one of my two saintly teaching fellow friends, tackling nyc teens with tough love and a sense of humor:
The other day, one of my favorite hooligans shared with me his plan to get back at security officers on the last day of school.
Here is genius at work…
“Miss- You have to hear my plan.
On the last day of school I’m gonna smuggle in three live chickens.
I will label them 1, 2 and 4.
Security will spend the whole fu^&ing day looking for chicken number 3.”
Now if only this mastermind would attend class every now and again, we’d all have cause to be hopeful for the future.
oh no, you guys! mr. wizard died today. i’m so sad; he was awesome. he’s probably the reason i love science so much.
i do not want to hear from you kids who don’t remember when a cable box resembled a blender, except the buttons brought you to hbo, espn, cnn, a fuzzy porn channel and nickelodeon instead of puree, blend, mix and chop. the man used to do things in his kitchen set that were so awesome and fun. and when you made a rocket out of the cardboard roll inside of a paper towel roll and some baking soda and set it off in your kitchen, your mom couldn’t even really get mad because it was science.
i remember learning how to make so many fun and interesting things on that show. damn. he was like a mashup between captain kangaroo and macguyver- it doesn’t get better than that when you’re a kid.
RIP, Don Herbert.
Hold The Coffee! Caffeinated Donuts and Bagels Could Provide That Morning Buzz!
DURHAM, N.C., Jan. 24 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ — If that cup o’ joe you drink each morning to get moving is getting old, just wait. You soon may be able to get the same jolt from a donut or bagel. A North Carolina scientist has developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods and is now pitching the concept to some of your favorite bakeries and coffee shops.
Buzz Donuts(TM) and Buzzed Bagels(TM) are the brainchild of Dr. Robert Bohannon, a molecular scientist living in Durham, NC. Dr. Bohannon has developed a way to mask the normal bitterness of caffeine so that it can be used in food and pastry products such as bagels and donuts.
“I had the idea for caffeinated pastries several years ago, but the bitter taste of the caffeine would always overwhelm the flavor,” says Dr. Bohannon, who is president of Onasco, Inc. “I eventually worked with some flavoring experts and designed a method to mask the bitterness, which led to successfully adding the caffeine equivalent of one to two cups of coffee to the food item.”
Dr. Bohannon has already approached well-known chains including Krispy Kreme, Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts about his invention. He thinks it’s just a matter of time before caffeinated pastries become a morning mainstay. He has already patented the idea along with a method of controlling the amount of caffeine contained in the food.
A typical cup of coffee contains 50 mg of caffeine. Caffeinated pills contain between 100 to 200 mg per capsule.
“Some people get their caffeine buzz from soda, chocolate and other sources besides coffee,” continues Dr. Bohannon. “The Buzz Donut and the Buzzed Bagel lets them get the caffeine buzz by simply eating a delicious pastry item.”
Two quick observations:
Based on the number of exclamation points in the headline, I’m betting PR Newswire got some free samples.
At least No Doze has no calories. This is definitely going to up the ante on the Freshman 15…
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