B.O.L.O.*- grey, bi-lobal, wrinkled mass of tissue weighing about 3 lbs.

People.  I have had my mind blown.  Several times today, and in the last few weeks, but I think today I’ve really done it.

 

So, yesterday I bought a plane ticket to Cairo for a 2.5 week sojourn through Egypt at the end of Ramadan.  Picked up my lonely planet guide- saw two pictures, and freaked out.  So excited.  Can’t comprehend that I will be looking at the sphinx, or the location of the great library of Alexandria.  Cannot. comprehend.

 

This morning, I went to see Dr. Doom (AKA the E.N.T.).  I’d spare you the gory details, but then there wouldn’t be any.  He removed a copious amount of seriously the most disgusting, (mostly solid), foulest- smelling biological tissue I have ever seen (keep in mind I majored in Bio in college, saw a two week old dead body as a kid and have been to Louisiana).  So many colors- every earth tone and green you can imagine.  At one point, I thought he was pulling my eyeball out through my nostril.  Ears still not popped. 

 

Then, I headed uptown to hit MyIntimacy.  This is where it happened.  It’s that bra shop you’ve seen the commercials for- 90% of women are wearing the wrong bra size, blah, blah, blah.  I’ve been meaning to go for some time.  I go in, get a “fitter,” enter the booth and take off my shirt, as instructed.  I was wearing my best-fitting bra.  I was actually Tut-tutted.  “You need to take that thing and throw it in the garbage.”  Um, OK I said.  She told me to get real close to the mirror and turn my back to her.  A long pause was followed by a “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.”  “back is so small, that’s the problem.” 

 

really?  not the two enormous bags of fat hanging from my chest?

 

“turn around.”  So, I do.  She sizes me up for a minute- all visual, no tape measures here, not for Mireille.  She’s been doing this for many, many years.  “I’ll be right back.”

blast from the past

do you guys remember this?  i think it only aired in the ny, nj, ct tri-state area, so the local yokels’ ears may perk up a bit.  for the rest of you, the beat may seem familiar as it is the basis for the busta rhymes song “dangerous,” from which he also took many of the lyrics.  apparently, he only realized it after the song had been released and hit the top of the charts.  he tried to do the right thing by the psa council, but they didn’t mind.  some accountant or something wrote it and i don’t think it was ever copyrighted.  

 lorla, this one’s for you:

the pitfalls of brain damage

i can’t get that damned officer byrd psa theme song out of my head; it’s in there nearly all the time.  seriously.  it comes and goes, but has been a sporadic guest star in my personal  ”catchy, but totally random songs that stick in your head for no discernible reason” playlist. 

most people don’t remember him.  most people laugh at me.  what else is new. 

however, what follows is proof that i am not insane.  ok, more accurately, proof that i did not make this up.  there are more.  you can see them on youtube (of course).

go.  look at them.