hit me with your best shot

– you’re sex on legs.

– you have any english in you?  no? want some?

– please, you beautiful hair.  come back to my house of love.

– it’s so hot that you won’t come home with me.  morals really turn me on. 

– i have this bet with joey that i’m the better kisser.  will you be the contest judge?

– i’m sixteen stone of pure man and you have the most set teeth that i have ever seen.  we must go out.

– damn! where you from, girl?  i need to know where they make ‘em like you so i can get me one.

– with your beauty and my brains, we could do anything.

– you know, susan, if you’da been just a little bit nicer to me, just a little bit, i woulda slept with you.

– hey, wanna go back to your place and watch the empire strikes back?

60% of the time, it works every time.  for me, anyway.

key things to know.  well, not really key.  more like relevant.  one, to quote the inimitable whitney houston, my name is not susan.  not even my middle or confirmation name.  second, that last one worked.  twice.  with two different guys.  what?  since when did i deny being hopelessly nerdy?

as you may have guessed, these are some of the more choice pick-up lines i’ve heard over the years, which came to mind as i zombie at home watching tv on saturday night.  by choice, people, by choice.  seriously.  scout’s honor. anyway, god bless ‘em all, i say.  because every one of them is more attractive than a guy who emails me pictures of cats with clever sayings superimposed on the photos. 

NB: this last sentence contains sarcasm, but leads me to an earnest tangent: what the hell is an LOL cat?  i thought someone was joking (badly) when i heard that term.  then i heard it again.  and i started thinking that once again, the kids were onto something to which i wasn’t privy.  so i did whatever any slightly out of touch, but not entirely clueless, thirty something does.  i googled it.  and lo, according to the software those fine folks out in silicone valley built, it’s an actual phenomenon, sweeping the web.  not only that, but the number one blog on this very site is all about them.  LOL cats.  ‘LOL anything’ is immediately disqualified from the possibility of being funny.  or even slightly amusing.  to top it off, they’re pictures of cats with sayings that match their “facial expressions.”  like that poster you thought was exceedingly lame in your fourth grade classroom with a kitten hanging from a branch and the caption “hang in there” posted underneath.  a phenomenon, people!  let me just say that there’s more than one reason to be happy to reach your thirties.

wait.  i didn’t start out to talk about these damn things.  it was about pick up lines.  which, after the cat thing, seem so much less egregious. 

what i’m trying to get to is that i’d like to invite the fine folks out there to share the best, worst, most sincere or nonsensical line they’ve ever received, given or overheard.  oh, and whether or not it worked.  it’s only fair.  i ‘fessed up to the empire strikes back thing. 

breathlessly awaiting your responses…


4 Responses to “hit me with your best shot”

  1. 1 santoki 18 June, 2007 at 13:12

    The most effective: Your friend is pretty, but kinda boring. You want to get out of here?

    MY most effective: I have PlayStation 2.

  2. 3 Dracul 16 September, 2007 at 01:19

    “Nice shoes, wanna’ fuck?”

    Yeah, that simple… see, I thought of it at random in a sarcastic way. A friend of mine decided to try it… It worked.

    Begins with a nice, pleasant compliment, cuts the chatter down to a minimum, then gets straight to the point.

    I’ve come to realize that that line will only work with the right girl; a girl that is looking for a guy to take charge quick and hard.

    Unfortunately, those type girls are almost always hookers…

  3. 4 santoki 24 September, 2007 at 09:56

    You know, that exact, down to the letter phrase was the pick-up line of choice in my ASL class.

    While it never actually worked, it was always a good one to have handy when asked “teach me something in sign language?”

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“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”


Upon common theatres, indeed, the applause of the audience is of more importance to the actors than their own approbation. But upon the stage of life, while conscience claps, let the world hiss! On the contrary if conscience disapproves, the loudest applauses of the world are of little value - john adams
June 2007
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from the man who taught me everything:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”



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