killing me softly

ok, maybe it’s not killing me, but it’s certainly sucking the life out of me. 

like any self-respecting comic-book-reading, RPG-playing junior high school nerd, i read stephen king’s the stand.  i didn’t just read it, i devoured it.  i was aware enough at the time to know it wasn’t the greatest novel ever written- i’d already hit up those other precocious tween classics- catcher in the rye and 1984.  But I probably thought it was the third greatest masterpiece. ever.

it was over twelve hundred pages.  it had super awesome illustrations that looked like the ones done by pushead for metallica, which we used to go down to west eighth street to get (it just took me ten minutes on google to find that guy’s name).  it was tragic, epic, it was about good vs. evil, dreams and reality.  it was about bureaucracy, hubris, hate, love… it was about the flu.

it kills off 99.4% of the population and the story is centers on the .6% who don’t die from the sickness or aren’t collateral damage.  they call it captain tripps in the story, created in a lab by the government.  it’s brutal and disgusting and unavoidable.

and i think i have it.

only, instead of it being lethal, it’s just super long-lasting.

everyone i know is sick or has been sick this winter.  so many of us can’t kick it.  my doc said it’s the worst year he remembers.  i’m currently on my fourth round of antibiotics- avalox.  they mess. me. up.  i made the mistake of going to the drug store after taking one the other day.  thank god my friend befri was with me because the drug hit my bloodstream a couple of minutes after i got there.  i’ve never taken ecstasy, but i imagine it’s something like i experienced in the toothpaste aisle of rite aid.  colors were shouting at me from every conceivable angle, everything was sparkly and moving.  i felt lightheaded and walked into a display.  all of this is OK with me, though, as long as it knocks out my sinus infection like it does my balance.

i’ve been down since new year’s day- forty three days and counting.  i’ve missed almost three work weeks of my new job over this time.  it started as the flu, then a sinus infection, then labyrinthitis, back to a sinus infection.  it’s my fourth round of anti-biotics.  i have a day or two left.  i’m taking pseudofed every four hours and bought something called a sinus rinse (yes, it’s gross).  if this doesn’t do it, i don’t know what will. 

so what’s the point?  i don’t know.  i haven’t had one in over a month. 


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“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”


Upon common theatres, indeed, the applause of the audience is of more importance to the actors than their own approbation. But upon the stage of life, while conscience claps, let the world hiss! On the contrary if conscience disapproves, the loudest applauses of the world are of little value - john adams
February 2008
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from the man who taught me everything:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”



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