Archive for the 'porn' Category

what do you get when you cross a hedge fund trader and a longshoreman?

well, that depends on whom you ask, i guess.  but according to ronnie of carle place, long island, what you get is what i, apparently, need. 

cs lewis and i met at the beer garden for a drink after an especially painful stab therapy session.  as i’d suspected, cs lewis’d made friends by the time i arrived.  ronnie and ralphie, two mooks of the highest order (a sincere compliment in my book).  they were waiting for friends, too and had invited cs to sit with them whilst she waited for me.

i was in a foul mood.  work had been especially rough, i’d endured 6 hours, 2 cancelled flights and several delays at cleveland hopkins airport.  i’d had to meet corky st kurtz, the ‘creative’ head of my division in the president’s club and had a very awkward conversation.  you know when you know that someone just does not like you, especially for no good reason, but you have to have polite, civil, and hopefully productive conversations with them?  and then they condescend to you and tell you to remain there after they leave and have some drinks because they’re free?  did i mention that i’m pretty much the only person out of seventy plus in the division actually bringing in revenue? 

couple that with the painful therapy and the fact that i had to get up early the next morning for an mri, and i was so close to going home and burying my head in my pillow.  luckily, i kept my date with cs because these guys were hilarious. 

ralphie and ronnie were joined by mikey and val.  the former being a high school english teacher living in his parents long island basement with a prodigious early eighties porn collection and the latter being a french immigrant working in technology who thoroughly enjoyed all the racist slurs and gallic slander we could conjure up.  ronnie was married, waiting for his wife to get home from a girls night out so they could celebrate their first anniversary together.

i must tell you that a night out drinking with a quadrumvirate of ball-busting mooks is exactly what the doctor ordered.

they gave very helpful advice on men. mostly from ronnie, who told me i scare the shit out of the stronger sex and that’s why i’m single (yeah, ronnie, that’s what i tell myself).  other roundtable topics included favorite authors, the best lines from fight club, shaving/ hair preferences and personal styles, why, exactly, mikey still lived in the basement, the diamond trade and nifty blackberry tips.

i had intended on going home early so as to avoid being hungover for my MRI, but stayed out late because it was such a fun and relaxing evening. 

i also learned it’s possible to play wingman via text (good luck with frenchy, cs!).

we definitely have to hang out with those guys again.  and, yes, daphne, you’ll be there.

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PLS BE MINE….U TOUCH MY SOUL

do NOT attempt to adjust your monitors. this is an actual email i got this morning from match.com. like i could make this up if i wanted to…

ahem….:

MY ANGEL FRIEND…………. i dont really know how to start off but………..you have a beautiful profile that attracted my heart. your beauty and smile captured my imagination and my heart started falling for you ,thats because Your smile has a beauty that I find in no other profile.. Your eyes hold a sexiness and a passion others can only long for. As long as my heart beats, I shall seek out your soul and be fulfilled!!!! in your beauty. definately i know that u will be a very special person in my life……just seeing ur lovely profile for the first time today…….. perhaps start been friends today might be the best thing of our lifes !!!!just know and understand my heart longs for you and Giving away a heart can hurt … . But, receiving one is the greatest gift.i cant wait to talk you…………i am online now “pls add me and lets have a chat on my YAHOO MESSANGER my ID is {nicole_hedson_04} or pls email me at nicole_hedson_04@yahoo.co.uki cant wait to hear from you..QUEINS N.H.

just a quick couple of things that stick out (everything is relative, people):

  • this ‘person’ is located in the UK
  • nicole hedson. is supposed to be a man. a man! now i know that in this post-gender revolution world, names can be deceiving as far as gender is concerned, plus foreigners can be weird, but, um, zunh?
  • also, this is pretty clearly spam. it boggles the mind. why spam match?

exploit the body, not the hands

American Apparel ads have the quality of child porn.  They’re supposed to make you feel good, because they don’t use sweatshop labor, but instead I just want to shower.


truth

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

truth

Upon common theatres, indeed, the applause of the audience is of more importance to the actors than their own approbation. But upon the stage of life, while conscience claps, let the world hiss! On the contrary if conscience disapproves, the loudest applauses of the world are of little value - john adams
December 2017
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from the man who taught me everything:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

bygones